Social Media is Not Real Life: A Tale of 2020

(I fully support a woman’s right to abortion. The following is about how power works.)

Repubs: We installed two Supreme Court judges, and Ginsberg won’t live forever. We have 2–6 more years to get a third on the court.

Dems: We cosplay Handmaiden Tale costumes. You can buy them now on Amazon. And the rat in the Arthur cartoon is gay, major victory for LGBT rights, yes.

Repubs: We passed legislation in Alabama and other states in line with our goals.

Dems: Didn’t you see Left Twitter erupted over that? Late night tore Alabama apart. Did you see Sam Bee’s fierce rejoinder? That changes everything.

Repubs: We won important races in Georgia and Florida.

Dems: We protested on social media how that was unfair.

Repubs: We held the line on gun control.

Dems: The Parkland Kids were on the cover of Time magazine in the dentist’s office.

Repubs: Trump’s gonna run on his record you know, got the wall, economic growth, lots of things his supporters like. You are scaring more voters away than influencing them by prioritizing legislative social change too fast over kitchen table economic issues. You’re alienating members within your own party with crazy ideology and race hate memes. You’re telling white people they are unwanted. You’re throwing away too many potential voters in swing states.

Dems: We’re not done fighting over 2016 yet so don’t talk about swing states. Trump is now obstructing the investigation into the last time he obstructed! We’re going to arrest Bill Barr! Just ask AOC!

Repubs: You let the media choose the face of your party, and so you end up with people who talk and look “right” but accomplish little — Linda Sansour, AOC, Beto, Mayor Pete. There’s a new one all the time. It’s hard to take you seriously.

Dems: Um, Biden.